Run for the Cured Meats

Yesterday a report highlighting the dangers of cured meats was released to the world and social media jumped all over it. As a family who lives off of a steady diet of hot dogs I cringed at the idea that it MAY cause cancer when I know for certainty that they DO cause campfires. I realize that we should make some adjustments to our eating habits because we love our children, but first a few jokes...

The World Health Organization released a report this week that says bacon, hotdogs and other processed meats cause Cancer.

Who said this?

WHO did.

Who?

Exactly.

No, who?

WHO said it.

I don’t think meat causes Cancer, rather Vegans cause Cancer ... because of their stress inducing judgment.

So maybe I do murder chickens… but Vegans murder happiness.

Take Wheat beer for example.  Gross. Wheat beer is a vegan invention.  How about some meat beer? I say Chops, NOT hops.

I ordered Vegan once and I was choked when they brought me lentils, because I wanted to eat a Vegan... I hear they are organic grain fed.  

My beef is that you just can’t compare eating ham to smoking a cigarette… unless, of course, you are smoking the ham.  Do we now have to stand 4 meters away from a building to eat our sandwiches? What about E-Ham… Is E-Ham okay?

85% of Cancers are caused by smoking and your risk of acquiring one of these cancers increases 2500% when you smoke. Whereas only 25% of cancers are linked with eating links and your risk is only increased by a 1-2% by consuming processed meats regularly. However, if you tell me that I am killing my kids by hosting a wiener roast in my backyard, you just increased your risk of being a douche by 100%. That said your risk of me taking that the aforementioned faming wiener and shoving it sideways down your throat has only increased by 2% because I would hate to waste a good hotdog. I love hot dogs. BUT, I may also love to watch you choke. 

Jokes aside… let’s be part of a healthier and happier Canada. Please sponsor me to #runforthecuredmeats